Red vs. Blue Episode
"The Rookies"
Episode no. 3
Airdate April, 2003
Running time 3:12
Director(s) Burnie Burns

Red vs. Blue Season 1
April 1, 2003 - September 28, 2003

  1. Why Are We Here?
  2. Red Gets a Delivery
  3. The Rookies
  4. Head Noob in Charge
  5. The Package is in the Open
  6. 1.21 Giga-Whats??
  7. Check out the Treads on That Tank
  8. Don't Ph34r the Reaper
  9. After Church
  10. A Shadow of His Former Self
  11. Knock, knock. Who's there? Pain.
  12. Down, but not Out
  13. Human Peer Bonding
  14. Roomier Than it Looks
  15. How the Other Half Lives
  16. A Slightly Crueler Cruller
  17. Points of Origin
  18. SPF 0
  19. Last One Out, Hit the Lights

The Rookies is the third episode of the series, which introduces Donut to the Red Team and Caboose for the Blue Team.

Synopsis Edit


At the Red Base, the new recruit, Donut, arrives. With Sarge at Command receiving orders, Grif and Simmons take the opportunity to haze Donut mildly, sending him "to the store" on a fool's errand for nonexistent supplies. Meanwhile, the Blue Team receives two new additions: a Rookie and a Scorpion-class tank. The end of the episode shows Donut approaching the Blue Base, mistaking it for the store.

Transcript Edit

Simmons and Grif at the red base. A soldier in red armor is walking up the ramp behind them

Simmons: Hey that's not exactly what happened.

Grif: Yes it is. You said "I'm not going to the Vegas Quadrant," and then the next thing I know y

ou're in an escape pod headed for-

Donut: Excuse me uh, sirs.

Simmons: Sirs?

Grif: Ah crap.

Donut: I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost Number One and speak to whoever's in charge?

Grif: Sorry man, Sarge is at Command getting orders. Ain't nobody in charge today.

Simmons: Actually private, he left me in charge while he's gone.

Grif: You are such a kiss-ass.

Simmons: Also, he told me if I had any trouble from you I should... (clears throat) *imitates Sarge badly* "Git in the Warthog, 'nd crush yer head like a tomato-can."

Grif: That's the worst impression I've ever heard.

Simmons: Okay rookie, what's your story?

Donut: Private Donut reporting for duty, sir. I'm ready to fight some aliens.

Grif: Couple things here, rookie. First off, private Donut? I think somebody needs a new nickname. Secondly, what's with the armor color?

Donut: This is the standard issue red.

Grif: Yeah, I know. Listen. Only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor: officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer.

Donut: Well, he's wearing red armor...

Simmons: No, my armor is maroon. Your armor is red.

Donut: Well how do I get a different color armor?

Simmons: I bet the blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap.

Church, Tucker, and a soldier in blue are looking at a tank

Caboose: So I say to the guy, "how're you gonna get the tank down to the planet?" And he goes, "I'll just put it on the ship" and I go, "if you've got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?"

Tucker: Hey kid.

Caboose: Yeah?

Tucker: You're ruining the moment. Shut up.

Caboose: Oh. Okay. You got it man!

Church: You know what? I could blow up the whole God damn world with this thing.

Back to the red base

Simmons: Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal.

Grif: I just refuse to call him Private Donut!

Simmons: We've got a very important mission for you. You think you can handle it?

Donut: Absolutely!

Simmons: We need you to go to the store, and get two quarts of Elbow Grease.

Grif: Yeah and um, pick up some Headlight Fluid for the Puma too.

Donut:The what?

Simmons: He means the Warthog.

Grif: You do know where the store is, right rookie?

Donut: What? Yeah, yeah, of course I do. Sure, no problem.

Simmons: Well, get going then.

Donut starts running across the base

Grif: Other way.

Donut turns around and goes the other way

Donut: I know that. Just, got turned around, that's all.

Grif and Simmons watch Donut running off in to the Gulch

Simmons: How long do you think until he figures out there's no store?

Grif: I say, at least a week.

Donut running through the Gulch, stops and turns to talk to himself

Donut: Elbow Grease, how stupid do they think I am? Once I get back to base with that Headlight Fluid, I'm gonna talk to the Sergeant.

Back to the blue base

Tucker: You know what? Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks a piece.

Church: Oh man, listen to you. What're you gonna do with two chicks?

Tucker: Church, women are like Voltron. The more you can hook up, the better it gets.

Back to Grif and Simmons at the red base

Simmons: You think that we were too mean to the kid?

Grif: Nah, he'll just wander around on the cliffs for a few hours. What's the worst that could happen?

Donut is approaching the blue base

Donut: Finally, there it is. Oh sweet! They sell tanks!


The Rookies03:17

The Rookies

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