|Red vs. Blue Episode|
|"Roomier Than it Looks"|
Roomier Than it Looks is the fourteenth episode of the series.
To distract the Reds and deceive them into believing that the Blues have more Special Operations soldiers, Tucker and Caboose go through the teleporter to turn their armor black. When they attack the Red Base, Sarge mistakes Caboose's stupidity for tactical brilliance and summons Grif to help to repel this new attack, leaving Simmons alone guarding Tex. Church possesses Sarge's body and uses it to deceive Simmons and free Tex. However, Caboose, wishing to impress Church and make amends for killing him, shoots Sarge in the head with the sniper rifle, not knowing that Church was possesing Sarge's body.
Church: Are you okay, Tucker?
Tucker: Yeah, I'm fine. (turns to the base) Come on Caboose!
Caboose: (back in the base) Does it hurt?!
Tucker: No, not at all!
Caboose: Okay! Here I come!
Church: Does it hurt for real?
Tucker: Oho, yeah. Big time.
Caboose: (emerging from the teleporter) Owwchie. (turns to Tucker) You lied to me.
Cut to the Red Base
Sarge: Ah, dammit. Lopez. C'm'ere. Do you see something out there?
Lopez looks through the sniper rifle, turns to sarge, lowers his head.
Camera pans down to Grif and Simmons inside the base, with Tex
Simmons: There's no L in it, it's pronounced both.
Grif: That's what I'm saying. Bolth.
Grif: You sound like such an ass the way you say it.
Sarge: Grif! Quit your yammering and get your kicker up here. Need some help. Got more of them Special Ops fellas headed toward the base.
Grif: As in... more than one? Uh, maybe we should bolth go, sir.
Grif: Seriously man, like an ass.
Sarge: Well, well. Another brilliant idea from the thinktank. Why don't you both come up. Leave the prisoner alone. We could just put her on the honor system, have her guard herself.
Grif: Good point sir.
Sarge: YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT IT IS! Now get your ass up here, we got just enough time for me to spraypaint the bullseye on your back... Ah, by bullseye I of course mean camouflage. Now move it, cupcake.
Grif: Yeah... I'll be right up.
Cut to Church looking through a sniper rifle... we'll never know how he holds it, being a "ghost" and all)
Church: Hey Tucker, come in man, are you there? This is Church, it's working. The orange one is coming out of the base. I repeat, the orange one is coming out of the base.
(Cut to Caboose and Tucker in armor covered in black stuff, hiding behind a rock, listening over the radio)
Tucker: Roger that.
Caboose: Oh, oh oh oh, Tucker, Tucker Tucker. Is that, is that Church?
Church: Okay, now just keep moving around outside of the base, and draw their attention.
Caboose: (over top of Church, drowning him out) Tell him, that I... I said... for me to say hi?
Tucker: Whoa wait wait, hey. What? I missed that, Caboose was talking to me. Shut up man, I'm on the radio.(Cut back to Church)
Church: I said, just keep movin-
Tucker: I'm not yelling, I'm just telling you to let me finish talking to Church. ...No, I'll tell him you said 'hi' later. No you can't talk to him. How could you possibly talk to him on my headset?
Church: Oh my God. I can't believe I actually died for this war.
(Cut to Grif looking through the sniper rifle)
Grif: I don't see any... (sees Caboose running across the Gulch) Uh uh, yep, there's one. (Caboose stops next to a rock and stares at it) Why is he just standing there? (Note: at this point, you can see Church running through the background)
Cut to Tucker crouching behind another rock
Tucker: Caboose, get behind the rock. They can still see you.
Caboose: They can't see me. I can't see them!
Tucker: That's because you're facing the rock.
Caboose: (looks at the base) Oh. Right. (ducks behind the rock)
Tucker: Real smooth, dipshit. Back to the red base
Sarge: They're definitely Special Ops. I ain't seen troop movements this coordinated since my days on Sidewi- (Church enters Sarge's body) geekagerger!
Grif: Sir, are you okay?
Church as Sarge: Uh, who you talking to, Red, me?
Grif: No. I'm talking to Lopez. Because, you know, that's real rewarding.
Lopez takes a swing at Grif
Grif: Hey, what'd I tell you about that?
Church: Oh, uh I, I'm fine, that's... I'm just so mad about, these uh, God damn blues out here. 'tslike I'm so God damn mad, I could spit! (horks one up and spits on his visor)
Grif: ...Um, sir? Did you just spit inside your own helmet?
Church: Uh, yeah. I guess I did.
Grif: Permission to speak freely, sir?
Church: Go ahead.
Grif: That's really fucking gross.
Cut to Caboose crouching down
Caboose: Hey Tucker?
Caboose: I'm having a really good time... with... you.
Tucker: That's great, Caboose.
Caboose: Yeah, it's like we're real soldiers.
Tucker: Would you please go hide behind another rock?
Cut to Church as Sarge running down to where Tex and Simmons are
Church: Hey man. What's up yo?
Simmons: Uh... hey... what's going on out there sir?
Church: What's uh, why, nothin'. Why would you ask if something's wrong?
Simmons: I think that's a perfectly normal question in a time of war.
Church: Yeah well, I don't know. You're starting to act kinda suspicious there, ...other red guy. So I'm keeping my eye on you.
Simmons: (turning around to face Tex) Sarge, I'm starting to think that-
Church hits Simmons on the back of the head, knocking him down
Simmons: Ow, geez, the back of my head!
Tex: What the hell are you doing!?
Church: Tex! It's me, Church! I've come to rescue you.
Tex: You're kind of short to be Church.
Church: What? Oh yeah, right. The armor.
Church leaves Sarge
Sarge: Harurgh! What in Sam Hell? Where the- Who spit on my visor?
Church as "Ghost": Tex, there's not much time to explain, so I'm just gonna give you the summary here, okay? I'm a spirit now, and I'm trapped in the physical world. I possessed this red guy, so that I could sneak in to the base and rescue you, while the rest of our guys run around out in the middle of the canyon, dressed in black armor, that they got from going through the teleporter.
Church: What... that's it? Okay? You're not surprised by any of this?
Tex: No, it pretty much all makes sense.
Church: Not even the whole "Church is a ghost" thing? That didn't do anything for ya?
Tex: I can see right through you, it's pretty obvious...
Church: Okay, well, let me hop back in this guy and we'll get outta here.
Sarge: (as Church re-enters him) Harurghk!
Cut to Caboose looking through the sniper rifle, with Tucker near him
Tucker: What're you doing?
Caboose: One of the reds has Tex. I'm going to shoot him, and kill him, and free Tex. Then Church will forgive me for killing him, and we will be friends.
Tucker: Oh, come on, you don't actually believe any of that, do you?
Caboose: (training on "Sarge's" head) Ohhh, we're gonna be best friends.
Cut to Church as Sarge, and Tex, outside the red base
Church: Alright, I'll make one more distraction, then you run up to the teleporter, and escape. Ready? One... Two... Three!
Caboose shoots Sarge (Church) in the head, and Sarge's body falls down dead-like
Church as "Ghost": What the? Where did my body go? Oh, you've gotta be KIDDING me!
Caboose: Tucker did it!