Red vs. Blue Episode
"Don't Ph34r the Reaper"
Episode no. 8
Airdate May, 2003
Running time 3:19
Director(s) Burnie Burns

Red vs. Blue Season 1
April 1, 2003 - September 28, 2003

  1. Why Are We Here?
  2. Red Gets a Delivery
  3. The Rookies
  4. Head Noob in Charge
  5. The Package is in the Open
  6. 1.21 Giga-Whats??
  7. Check out the Treads on That Tank
  8. Don't Ph34r the Reaper
  9. After Church
  10. A Shadow of His Former Self
  11. Knock, knock. Who's there? Pain.
  12. Down, but not Out
  13. Human Peer Bonding
  14. Roomier Than it Looks
  15. How the Other Half Lives
  16. A Slightly Crueler Cruller
  17. Points of Origin
  18. SPF 0
  19. Last One Out, Hit the Lights

Don't Ph34r the Reaper is the eighth episode of the series.


Grif and Simmons flee from the Rookie and Sheila; Grif abandoning Simmons after he had hatched a plan for a joint escape. Once Rookie manages to activate the auto-fire mechanism, the tank begins to systematically target and destroy everything present. Sheila subsequently hits the Warthog, sending it flying, but Grif and Simmons continue to flee and successfully evade the cannon fire. Church becomes the next target, however, and is killed when the Rookie fails to deactivate Shiela's auto-fire operation; Tucker accuses the Rookie of team-killing.


Sheila's turret pointed at Grif, then it turns to face Simmons

Grif: Why is it just sitting there?

Simmons: Just trying to mess with our heads. Let's get back to the Warthog.

Cut to the view from the tank

Sheila: This tank is equipped with an auto-fire sequence, that can be activated by pressing the auto-fire button.

Rookie: Auto-fire, auto-fire, here, here! No, wait... okay that's more a switch than a button...

Sheila: (over top of Rookie's lines) This will end the tutorial, and should only be activated if proper safety procedures...

Cut to Simmons and Grif

Simmons: Okay, you ready? Let's do this on three. One...

Grif: Wait. On three? Or three and then go?

Simmons: On three. It's always faster to go on three.

Grif: Okay, okay. On three.

Cut to the view from the tank

Rookie: Here!

Sheila: Tutorial deactivated. Auto-fire sequence activated.

Cut to Simmons

Simmons: Ready?

Cut to the view from the tank

Sheila: Acquiring target.

Cut to Church and Tucker

Church: I'm going for the jeep. Cover me.

Cut to Simmons and Grif. Grif is backing away

Simmons: One...

Grif turns around and starts running away

Cut to view from the tank, tracking Grif

Sheila: Target acquired.

Cut to Grif running

Grif: Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit... Cut to Simmons

Simmons: Two...

Cut to view from the tank, locking on to Grif's back

Sheila: Target locked.

Cut to Church running toward the Warthog

Cut to Simmons

Simmons: Three! (turns around, sees Grif running) Oh, you back-stabbing cock bite!

Sheila: Firing main cannon.

Tank fires, blows up the Warthog right in front of Grif

Simmons: (next to tank) Son of a bitch!

Grif: (next to jeep) SON OF A BITCH!

Church: (near jeep) Son of a bitch!

Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires)

Simmons: Shit!

Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires)

Simmons: Dammit!

Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires)

Cut to Church running back up to meet Tucker

Tucker: Hey dude, the jeep blew up.

Church: No kidding. Thanks for the update, Tucker.

Cut to Grif and Simmons hiding out behind a rock

Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires, hits the rock)

Simmons: (Quotes Grif) Hey, I have a great idea. Let's get out of the jeep, and sneak around the back of the rock...

Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires, hits the rock)

Simmons:...Great plan you idiot!

Cut to view from the tank, scanning the rock

Sheila: All targets eliminated. Acquiring new target.

Turret starts panning up and to the left

Cut to Church and Tucker, Church standing in the open looking down at the tank

Church: Hey Tucker, look at this, man: it's the rookie! And he brought tank out to scare off the reds.

Tucker: What? No way!

Church: Hey rookie, good job man! Why didn't you tell us you knew how to drive the tank?

Sheila: New target acquired. (spinning turret around at Church)

Cut to view from the tank, slowly panning up the cliffside at Church

Rookie: That's not a target. That's Church.

Church: Yeah, that's right, it's me, Church! What's going on, man!

Sheila: (locking on to Church) Target locked.

Cut to Rookie in the driver's seat of the tank

Rookie: What? No. Target unlock. Unlock! Please help me nice lady.

Sheila: Firing main cannon.

Rookie: Uh oh...

Tucker: Uh oh...

Church: What? Oh, son of a bi-

Tank fires, hits Church, throws him sprawling, high up in the air. Church lands back on the ledge again

Tucker: Holy fuck! Church, are you okay? Talk to me, Church! You shot Church, you team-killing fucktard!

Sheila: Auto-fire sequence deactivated.

Church: (dying) Tucker! ...Tucker!

Tucker: Church! It's going to be okay, man.

Church: No. Ah... I'm na, I'm not gonna make it. Tucker, there's something I need to tell you.

Tucker: What is it?

Church: I just want you to know, I always hated you. I always hated you the most.

Tucker: Yeah, I know you did. Now hurry up and die, you prick.

Church: Okay. Herk...Bleah!


  • This episode marks the first time the Blood Gulch intro is used.

Video Edit

Don't Ph34r the Reaper03:26

Don't Ph34r the Reaper

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