Red vs. Blue Episode
"After Church"
Episode no. 9
Airdate May, 2003
Running time 3:14
Director(s) Burnie Burns

Red vs. Blue Season 1
April 1, 2003 - September 28, 2003

  1. Why Are We Here?
  2. Red Gets a Delivery
  3. The Rookies
  4. Head Noob in Charge
  5. The Package is in the Open
  6. 1.21 Giga-Whats??
  7. Check out the Treads on That Tank
  8. Don't Ph34r the Reaper
  9. After Church
  10. A Shadow of His Former Self
  11. Knock, knock. Who's there? Pain.
  12. Down, but not Out
  13. Human Peer Bonding
  14. Roomier Than it Looks
  15. How the Other Half Lives
  16. A Slightly Crueler Cruller
  17. Points of Origin
  18. SPF 0
  19. Last One Out, Hit the Lights

After Church is the ninth episode of the series.


The Rookie and Sheila continue to blast away at the Warthog, eventually propelling it onto the top of the Red Base. The Reds suddenly receive a radio call from Sarge, who is returning to Blood Gulch. Learning of the situation, he flies in with air support, bombing Sheila out of action. Initially struggling to open the driver canopy, the Rookie narrowly escapes death.


Simmons and Grif run up the ramp in to the red base, where Donut is waiting with the flag

Donut: What happened?

Grif: Big... Tank... Shooting... Whooooh!

Simmons: Damn, man, we only ran like three hundred feet. You are really out of shape.

Grif: Fuck... You...

Donut: Where's your car?

Simmons: General Patton here had a great strategy to leave it behind.

Grif: Hey, it would have worked if that tank hadn't shown up.

Donut: You lost the jeep? Oh man, Lopez is gonna be pissed. Where is it?

Explosion, the jeep flies up on the base from below, landing between Donut and the other two

Grif: What the hell?

Another explosion

Grif: Son of a bitch!

Donut: Holy crap! What the hell is that thing?

Grif: That's the tank!

Tank continues firing

Donut: Hey uh, Grif uh, you wanna hold the flag for a little bit?

Grif: No, keep that away from me!

Cut to Tucker and the Rookie in the tank

Tucker: Why do you keep firing at the jeep?

Rookie: Because it's locked on!

Sheila: Target locked.

Tucker: Well unlock it.

Rookie: Last time I unlocked it, I KILLED CHURCH!

Tucker: Oh, right... keep shooting the jeep then.

Back to the red base

Donut: I hate to be the one to point this out guys, but I think we're screwed.


Simmons: Yeah. I have to agree with the rookie on this one.

Radio sounds

Sarge: (on radio, from plane) Blood Gulch Outpost Number One. Come in, Blood Gulch Outpost, come in. Do you read me? This is Sergeant-

Grif: Oh my God, Sarge, is that you?

Sarge: Roger that, Private. I am currently in-bound to your position from Command.

Simmons: Sir, this is Simmons.

Sarge: Hello Simmons. I hope everything's gone alright while I've been gone.

Grif: Actually sir, things are kind of hectic right now. The new rookie arrived, and somehow he managed to infiltrate the blue base, and now we have their flag, the Warthog is damaged, one of their guys is dead, and there's this huge fucking tank about to destroy our base.

Sarge: (radio sounds) ... (more radio sounds) ... Am I talkin' to the right base?

Grif: Sarge, we, are going, to die here.

Sarge: Well then hold tight boys. I think I gotta solution to your little 'tank' problem.

Cut to Tucker

Tucker: Uh oh.

Pelican flies over red base, cut back to Tucker

Tucker: Hey Caboose, you might wanna get out of the tank. Like right now.

Caboose: I can't figure out how to get this thing open!

Sheila: Night vision engaged.

Tucker: Rookie, get out now.

Shells exploding progressively nearer to the tank

Caboose: Okay, open the duh, okay, I, Sheila, will you please open the door?

Sheila: Driver canopy open. (Caboose gets out and runs off the tank) Thank you for using the M808B main battle ta-

Shell hits the tank, blowing it on its roof backwards

Caboose: Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap running, running, running. (reaches Tucker) Man, that was close.

Tucker: Look at your tank though.

Sheila: I'm scared Dave. Will I dream? Daisy...(distorted, elongated) Daisy...

Caboose: Sheeeeiilaaaaa! Noooooo!

Tucker: What? No! Sheila! Sheila! Wait... who's Sheila?

Caboose: Sheila's the lady in the tank. She was my friend...

Tucker: Oh, dude! I knew you could pick up chicks in a tank!

Trivia Edit

  • This is the first episode in which Caboose is referred to by name; previously, he had always been simply the "rookie".
  • Sheila's line "I'm scared Dave, will I dream?" and singing of "Daisy Daisy" is a reference to the novel and film 2001: A Space Odyssey.
  • Sarge almost reveals his name, until he is interrupted by Grif.

Video Edit

After Church03:21

After Church

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